Clay Cane is a New York City-based writer who is recognized for his contributions in journalism. Clay is a regular contributor for various print and online publications such as The Advocate and BET.com. He is the author of the highly anticipated novel Ball-Shaped World, which is a fictionalized account of the black and Latino ballroom scene. Also, he is the Entertainment Editor at BET.com and a member of New York Film Critics Online. He can be reached at claycane@gmail.com.


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    Monday, October 31, 2005


    mood: elated
    music: "21 Questions" by 50 Cent "you know my style, I'll say anything to make you smile"

    Today is Halloween, which is the day of ghosts and goblins - however, for all the single people it will determine your LOVE status for the holidays!

    There's a rule when it comes to the singularity of the holiday season and the barbaric search for that one good piece of tail that will ride you threw the cold, bitter, frigid nights ... Here it goes:

    If you're still dateless by Halloween -- still complaining to your friends how everyone is a piece of gutter trash who are full of mental deficiencies -- still trying to convince yourself that you’re perfectly fine being single and there's nothing someone can give to you that you can't give to yourself …. THEN ... YOU WILL BE SINGLE FOR THANKSGIVING. There’s usually a five day or so grace period, but it's basically a wrap by November. EVEN if you find a good date on November 15th -- Thanksgiving isn't but a week and a half away! If you bring the date back home or to your friend’s house (that's for some of the gays that aren’t as PRIVILEGED as the straights to bring the significant others to family!) what are you going to say, "Oh yes, we've been dating for .... a little over a week." Your family won't take you seriously, and if you have any gay friends they will say to the closest person in earshot, "This whore brought her last minute date to Turkey Day!"

    So Thanksgiving doesn’t work out -- after going home and feeling bloated, you lay in your bed with a glass of straight vodka, listening to Nina Simone and watching The Color Purple reciting every line like you wrote the script. "All my life I had to fight --- awwwww damn, DAMN, DAMN ... I'm single on the holidays AGAIN!" Nonetheless, you convince everyone that you're perfectly happy being single and it doesn’t even cross your mind in your busy, productive life. Uh-huh, okay…………. Well, there is hope ... CHRISTMAS! However, the same rule applies ... if that November 15th date happened then you can spend your "first" Christmas (hopefully it won't be your last) with the new "potential." If you're still dateless with NO potentials by the end of Thanksgiving weekend it’s a WRAP for Christmas and NEW YEARS!! You’ll be singing yuletide greetings by yourself and watching It's A Wonderful Life wondering to yourself for the millionth time, "Why are there NO black folks in this movie?" AGAIN - if a good date comes along by mid-December you really can't go all out and buy a gift because you barely know the person. God forbid you do, and it ends a few weeks later! It may even seem too much to spend Christmas night with someone you barely know -- and do you really want to bring the New Year in with a date you just met a few weeks ago ... if it ends that sets an atrocious stage for the following year!!!

    HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE - LET ME PUT SOME PIMP IN IT! You still have a lil' hope left ... so on that Christmas or New Years weekend when everyone has Monday off -- you meet someone! What a Christmas gift ... you get to know them and end up with a Valentine's Day date! Congrats!!!! HOWEVER, if you didn't get that connection by New Years (considering the five day grace period) anything after that is a last minute hot-whore-tramp date to just compensate for Valentine's Day. So, you’ll walk the streets that week seeing all the flaming red, colorful candy and cheesy balloons looking like someone coughed up blood all over the city. You will justify to everyone how foolish Valentine's Day is, knowing if you had a Valentine's Day date you would have a lil' something in your hand, or at least BE with that person (I see the posts coming now with people saying they don't believe in Valentine's Day ... blah, blah, blah! I'm not saying you have to believe in it, but if you live in America, especially in a city, you can't avoid it!). The single life ...

    There are exceptions to every rule ... for example, if you just got out of a 10-year relationship last weekend then yo' azz does not need any connection. Many claim they don't care about the holidays ... but the holidays ... ESPECIALLY NEW YEAR'S does make one reflect on their life. A year has passed ... you're closer to your next birthday ... what are you doing with your life (maybe you're in a relationship you shouldn't be in) ... the world hasn't ended yet .... Bush is still in office ... Beyonce is still popular ... Madonna is still trying to make a comeback .... Diddy has a dog named Cha-Cha ....One cannot help but reflect during the holidays and we reflect on the future -- the future often includes that human, soulful and passionate connection. So good luck on the savage hunt!

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    Posted by Clay :: 12:19 AM :: 22 comments

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