CLAY CANE // GET YOUR LIFE

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

mood: almost there
music: I Shot The Sheriff - Bob Marley "I didn't shoot the deputy...."

Don't act like you haven't thought about it and if you haven't you will now.

I've been watching the Hurricane Katrina devastation on every news channel I can find and I'm mortified at the complete horror, chaos and sadness these people are enduring. However, I'm implicitly hearing some odd comments from the media, which shows the lack of compassion for the majority of these survivors who are poor, black, southerners - it makes me wonder -- how important are saving the lives of these people? Here are some comments that strike concern:

Many news anchors have said: "Why didn't those people leave when they got the warnings -- I would've walked. Will they be fined for not leaving and having rescue workers risk their lives to save them?" A fine??? Okay, New Orleans is strikingly poor and obviously if they could've got in their tu

rbo jet and flown out of a massive hurricane they would have! Many don't have cars and it's illegal to walk over a highway -- now the highway is gone! Let's say they decided to walk -- well if they don't have a car they probably don't have the resources to stay at a hotel. Many of these poor people are ONE check away from being homeless ... and being that I know what poverty is like, this is the end of the month and the end of the month is the worst time for poor people. These comments make no sense and blames the victims!

Another concern -
Rescue worker: "We can only save certain people so if we see someone on a roof it doesn't mean we can save them."
News anchor: "Well, how do you know who those certain people are?"
Rescue worker: "Oh, well the elderly and children -- people like that."
WHAT THE FUCK???????????? So you mean if a 6'2 black male is sitting on his roof screaming for help at the top of his lungs you're going to wave, and fly right past him? I've NEVER heard of such a SELECTIVE rescue system. If you spot someone - they should be rescued! Not decipher at that moment if they are a "certain" person - They could have a child somewhere next to them, or they could have an injury that is not visible. I can't help but wonder if this would happen if these "certain" people weren't black folks. Of course we have all seen footage of black men being rescued, but I wonder how many more are being ignored?

LOOTING - I have seen endless clips of black folks running out with diapers, televisions, a box of Snicker bars (I'm not joking!), clothes, food and there are reports of car jackings! It's amazing how selective this footage is and portrays black folks as crazy savages ... the governor is considering declaring martial law. Very few people are mentioning these are poor people who are trapped in a city with no food, water, or even aware that 20 feet of more water is at risk of coming to them. There's virtually no way out because the highways have been destroyed. This may be the last moment of their lives. There is no form of communication ... of course they will loot and try to save themselves!!! If there's one thing I know about being poor -- is that poor folks will do ANYTHING to survive. One reporter said: "A civil society is breaking down." Really??? Well, how civil do you think it was before (although, I couldn't help but laugh when I saw sistah girl running out of the Walmart with a Dark N' Lovely perm box in her hand and others walking around with a cart like they were shopping on a Saturday afternoon -- I LOVE BLACK FOLK! LOL). Speaking of a civil society -- The Orleans Parish Prison was flooded and all of the prisoners were forced to wait outside - the prisoners revolted and have held people hostage ............. you think some angry black men who have been locked up for 5, 10, 15, 20 years or more are going to act civilized in the middle of a complete disaster?

I can't help but fear that "people" will not sympathize with these poor black folks. The government never took care of them before, so why will they now??? Mayor Ray Nagin already expressed his anger that New Orleans has still not been sandbagged like he was told would happen -- he is the Mayor and he doesn't understand. It's heartbreaking that so many people are suffering and I deeply fear that their suffering is not relevant, or taken seriously. Louisiana is the SOUTH and there are still terrible mind sets -- Louisiana is where miscegenation laws began, had massive lynchings, where jazz was stolen and suffered major class issues.

THIS HAS BEEN COMPARED TO OUR TSUNAMI -- WHERE IS THE BENEFIT CONCERT?

NO IMMEDIATE FUNDRAISING FOR THESE PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAD ANYTHING BEFORE THE HURRICANE?

Call me paranoid, but I'm petrified to see what the end result of this will be. Anyone know of Black Wall Street??? This is not to take away the people of all colors who are suffering, but I've noticed these disturbing comments and portrayals from the media - I can only imagine what is happening on the streets.

Labels: HURRICANE BUSH, Politics

Posted by Clay :: 10:15 AM :: 19 comments

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Saturday, August 27, 2005

WISDOM

mood: in pain
music: "Troubles of the World" by Mahalia Jackson

I didn't think I would write about this in my blog, but I’m so bored and being that this is all that has surrounded my life since Thursday - I have no other choice. On Thursday I got my wisdom teeth DERACINATED out of my number one form of communication (and pleasure) - MY MOUTH. I wasn't too scared because I was LIED to by everyone (except for my Mom and Apollonia) saying it wasn’t going to be that bad. However, once I got in the dentist's chair -- IT WAS A WRAP when I saw the POWER TOOLS that would be used on me like a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He put the "laughing gas" over my face, which should have been called "crying gas" -- all it does is make you not able to move, but you can still feel, hear and endure everything. Horror scene one started with the turbo novocaine needle that the dentist rammed in my mouth like I was getting fucked with no lube! I guess he thought because I was a lil' high I couldn’t feel it, but I felt it like Alloura Blahnik feels "The Ha." I tried to scream, but couldn’t - my legs started kicking with the dentist looking at me like I was crazy ... then he asked what was wrong (WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG????) and I managed to tell him I was in pain, but it was just the damn novocaine while I thought it was a tooth getting pulled! I was so out of it -- I felt like the mother from Requiem For Dream trying to pronounce words, but my mouth all twisted -- The dentist looked at me as if I was Marlon Wayans in Requiem For A Dream and had the nerve to ask: "Are you sure you haven’t done any other drugs besides this laughing gas?" I was deeply offended but immobile. I tried to explain that I don’t drink or smoke, but my mind was too cloudy. I knew he thought: "These Bob Marley crack heads always come in here ruining my day!"

From there I got even more stressed because I felt it was extremely unprofessional to question if I was a drug addict on an operating table. He began working on my upper wisdom tooth and pulled that one, which I thankfully have no memory of. Now the lower wisdom tooth - I have a vivid memory of and it is a LIE that the body doesn’t remember pain! That man was twisting and pulling my jaw so hard I felt like I was Linda Blair from the Exorcist with the dentist screaming: "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!" It seemed to go on forever with pain and pressure that I can’t even describe as I laid there uncontrollably shaking my treetrunk thighs and him looking down at me with "Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks playing on the office radio. Finally he pulled out the tooth with blood all over his hand and me hyperventilating. He said: "You did a good job considering you just had the laughing gas." Then he goes to the nurse - assuming that I was so high that I wouldn’t remember: "Next time we're going to give him an IV!" I will pray for the rest of my life that my other wisdom teeth don’t grow in.

That happened Thursday morning and it's now Saturday and I’m still in pain, can barely talk and haven’t had any solid food since Wednesday night. I've been living on Ensure, soup and water. Being that my wisdom teeth weren't impacted I was supposed to be able to eat the next day, but that was impossible. Of course I am a hypochondriac so after reading the dentist's post surgery risks -- I've already felt every symptom of the horrible infections that are vividly described. Not too mention I’m on so many pills that I feel like a bad Courtney Love song.

So I've been forced to sit in front of my TV over the past 48 hours and endure the horrible filter of so-called news, entertainment and trash (some of which I love) that is feed to the docile American public. I rarely endure this much CNN, but now that I have I might as well let out some points of view.

What's up with America and, out of all people President Bush, trying to DRAFT an Iraqi constitution? We can’t stop editing and revising our own constitution! I can imagine President Bush is saying: “Make sho’ ya’ put man and woman – ya’ don’t want ta’ come ta’ regret dat horse-puckey years latah! "

What is up with all of these foolish commercials to recruit Black, Latin and poor white kids into the Army??????? Feeding them delusions of “I found out a way to pay for college” or “It’s time for me to be a man now” with their mammy sitting there like Aunt Jemima with a perm! Of course NONE of these commercials even remotely mentions that we are in the middle of a massive war!

Why I am falling in love with Good Times all over again, LOVING Roseanne, but the Cosby Show seems to kinda suck????

Hurricane Katrina is for real – I’m loving the name! We are getting closer to having a “ghetto” name for a hurricane. Hurricane Tyrone and Baqueshia are next!

It was just discovered that in Dallas County (of course Texas) that the court system is taking 90% of Black jurors off any jury -- the jury is being stacked based on racial make up. WHAT A SHOCKER AND IT TOOK THEM 2005 TO FIGURE THIS ONE OUT?!

I don't get all the debate about the morning after pill - it doesn't kill pregnancy it prevents it! Some claim it will increase teenage sex - I don't think teenage sex can go any higher than it is now. They also say they can't "regulate" the pill being sold to anyone under 17 so it shouldn't be legal ---- ummmmmmmm if we're worried about regulations shouldn't we focus on cigarettes and alcohol that is being sold, which is killing millions of teenagers across the nation?

But for real - my prayers are with New Orleans - category five?????? This is serious ....

Iight - I'm about to take some more pills and head to bed!

Labels: STORYTELLING

Posted by Clay :: 3:00 PM :: 10 comments

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

NIGGGGGAAAAA!

mood: chillin'
music: The Widow (I'll Never Sleep Alone) by The Mars Volta "Said I'm bloodshot for sure ... "

On Monday I packed a knapsack and trekked to Great Adventure with Apollonia, her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s friend, Tarantino. I had a good time and endured the insane lines for rides that would only last less than a minute. From 12:30pm to 10pm I only made it on four rides … and the 2 ½ hour wait for Kingda Ka was insane!!!!!!! The ride broke down TWICE and there was a sign reading: “Kingda Ka will often times stop in the middle of the ride, but this is a normal occurrence.” Knowing my luck I just knew I would get on the ONE car that would freeze at 300 feet in the air. Nonetheless, we made it on the ride - I wasn’t scared till I sat down but … THAT RIDE WORE ME THE FUCK OUT. I was letting out, primal, sadistic screams from the bottom of my soul while being thrown 456 feet in the sky (the highest drop in the world) at over 120 miles per hour -- from zero to three seconds! By the time the ride stopped I was damn near unconscious needing smelling salts to get me out of the seat! The overpriced pictures that you need to put on layaway to buy had me looking like a tortured creature from the X-Files. I think I’m done with Great Adventure for a few years …

The actual rides weren’t the only thing that wore me out at Great Adventure. Tarantino was on a “NIGGA’” marathon for the entire 9 ½ hour day. I hadn’t heard the word NIGGA’ that much since Black History Month on PBS! Tarantino is Puerto Rican and was born and raised in Washington Heights – so he obviously grew up hearing the word NIGGA and made sure to let me and anyone else that stood next to us for more than five minutes know that he would continue using the word NIGGA’ for the rest of his life. NIGGA’ was spewing from Tarantino’s lips loud and obnoxiously like I was sitting with a 12 year-old boy who watches too much BET. It was excessive and extremely frustrating – now Tarantino isn’t necessarily “hood” – he is a poet, in a rock oriented band and a “conscious” person. He isn’t wearing timbs, oversized clothes and playing trite hip-hop in his head phones. He has a sticker of George Bush being a murderer on his book of song lyrics, wears Jackie O oversized sunglasses (no, he isn’t gay … ummm yeah, I know what you are thinking, but either is Lenny Kravitz!!!) and dresses like a fashionable Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I'm not saying if someone uses the word NIGGA’ they have to dress, or be a certain way, but I was a little taken back by this person who is "conscious" rocking this word so hard. Also, considering Apollonia’s boyfriend, who is basically “hood” and listens to hip-hop non-stop, didn’t utter the word ONCE. So you must understand that it was eating at me to hear NIGGA every five seconds .. Everything was “That NIGGA’s crazy!” “C’mon on NIGGA!” “Fuck you NIGGA’!” etc.

Often times you forget how affected you are by experiences in your past - especially when it comes to racism. The first few times he said it I really wasn’t bothered, but as the day went on I was instantly reminded of my experience in Washington State and being called a NIGGER so much that I thought it was my name. I saw the faces of white teachers, kids and adults in my old neighborhood screaming that word at me making my mother run outside with a baseball bat ready to knock the good Christian white folk (I never heard NIGGER in that neighborhood again!). All of these uncomfortable feelings were being conjured up on my Great Adventure and I was really getting pissed off. I wanted to yell: “Will you shut the fuck up!” For the most part of my life I never experienced a “term of endearment” with that word – I experienced hatred and ignorance. To a certain extent I felt like I was experiencing ignorance (not hatred) at Great Adventure. I know Tarantino is not a racist and even understood his argument without asking him, but I felt like if I expressed myself that MY experience would not be respected. If I said: “Could you tone it down a bit with using the word NIGGER because now that we are on hour seven it’s really starting to get to me?” he would’ve disregarded my comment as overacting.

At one point Tarantino was trying to talk to a pack of Black girls and they all gagged in unison when he referenced the word NIGGA’ in his pick-up line. Most Black folks who aren’t raised in the New York City area aren’t use to Latins using the word – including me. These Black girls could’ve been from Delaware, Virginia, or Philly. Call it a double standard if you will --- but I still haven’t gotten used to the word NIGGA’ outside the Black American community. I’m still trying to get use to the word in our community because I know it's not going away! If Tarantino were Black American I would’ve been just as irritated because it was soooooooo extreme. However, I knew that in New York City Tarantino grew up hearing that word from other Black people – and most people my age do not have the experience of negativity that I have with word, blah, blah, blah … .

I repeatedly considered trying to talk with Tarantino because he is an intelligent, creative guy with a dynamic personality -- BUT I knew I would get the classic trite “Quentin Tarantino” argument of: “I’ve used the word all my life,” “I don’t mean it that way,” or one that would have made me upper cut him in the face during the Skull Mountain ride and blame on a pole that must’ve hit him in the dark: “You’re being too sensitive.” ANYONE (any race or ethnicity) who thinks someone reacting to the word NIGGA’ is being too sensitive obviously hasn’t had the experience of being called a NIGGER. People who think someone is overacting to the word NIGGER obviously does not understand the historical elements behind the word and is not being aware -- even if they are from the barrios of Washington Heights. I knew if Toussaint or Angela Davis was with me it would have been a BATTLE with someone losing an intellectual limb. I spoke with Apollonia about this, who was equally wore out by Tarantino’s use of the word, and she explained how some of his friends argued with him about it, but Tarantino is a staunch advocate that it is just his lingo.

People do not take the word NIGGA’ seriously. Apollonia said she does not have a positive reference with the word and when she teaches she doesn't allow students to use that word in her class – however, she is the only teacher in her building who enforces that rule. Funny thing was – I knew that Tarantino would not use the word faggot around me, (yet, the word faggot is probably used as much as NIGGA’ in urban environments) however, there seems to be no respect for the word NIGGA’. NIGGA’ is a part of the American lingo -- some things from Jim Crow and slavery always stay the same! Just because I don’t use the word I don’t expect anyone else to not use the word. In addition, the use of the word NIGGA’ is the LEAST of our problems in the Black community, but I still think that for those who are conscious and privileged enough to be informed and educated (like Tarantino) it's important to take SOCIAL accountability. Some of the arguments I hear from Latins (and Blacks) who use the word NIGGA’ are the same arguments I’ve heard from white southerners and white folks in Washington State … “I don’t mean it that way!” “It’s just a word” blah, blah, blah …. Funny how easily we embody white supremacy in our own community ….

Labels: Race, STORYTELLING

Posted by Clay :: 2:30 PM :: 13 comments

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Monday, August 22, 2005

THE DL CHRISTIAN CLUB

mood: cool
music: Concrete Jungle - Bob Marley - "No chains around my feet, but I'm not free ..."

Lately it seems like I keep hearing so many of us on the “woe is me” route of self pity because they are not in a relationship, all men want to have sex (including them), or this “lifestyle” is sooooooooooooo hard. In addition, many believe that a relationship between two men just can’t work – yet they are at the club constantly and on the primal hunt for one good man. Many of us blame a lifestyle for our problems, but not really looking at ourselves. Granted there’s a stigma with being gay/bi and it is extremely challenging for black, gay/bi people. HOWEVER, straight people's relationships (especially for women) are just as intense and devastating - they deal with children, the pressure of marriage and prearranged roles that have been around for Eurocentric ions. I think many gay/bi men don’t realize at the end of the day we are still men and do not suffer the awful experiences that women endure simply because they are women. Most PEOPLE go from one person to another - most PEOPLE are trying to find someone of quality. If Black/Latin gay men stop being the "tragic gay man" and realize our relationship problems (outside of social issues) are not harder than any other relationships then it will be easier – perception is reality.

Many gay/bi men I have met said: “Well, if this gay thing doesn’t work out then I will just get with a woman, get married and have some kids.” Is it really that easy to get with a woman? If it is then why haven’t they done it? As if these GAY OR BI men are going to step outside of Luke & Leroy’s on a Sunday night and find some coochie waiting for them with legs spread open and saying: “Splash up in me and let me make you some babies because you couldn't find a man!” I’m in shock how many gay/bi men have a misogynist attitude and minimize women to making babies for them because “this gay thing isn’t working out.”

Of course we are all not like this, but it seems with the further exposure of black male sexuality many feel their lives are doomed and have peculiar back-up plans. No one wants to be alone and single as they get older, but if you still believe that you will just get with a woman if the “gay thing” doesn’t work then obviously you are NOT ready for a relationship with a quality man. Maybe that is the reason why you aren't in a relationship??? Why would someone of quality want to be with someone who already has a preconceived notion of the state of gay male relationships?

Many gay/bi men are a card-carrying member of the “DL Christian Club.” They admittedly feel they are going to burn in a fiery depths of a Christian or Islamic hell, yet getting their guts banged out on regular basis and having the most decadent sexual happenings that makes even the biggest whores say: “Well, damn -- maybe I need to go to church if I can get this much sex!” Obviously these men are suffering from the symptoms of a socially oppressive society (we ALL are). Obviously they are taught that who they are is wrong. Obviously they are taught they don’t deserve love. ((((((YAWN))))))) This mindset is understandable when someone is 22, but when you are over 30 and you’ve been getting run up into more than the Holland Tunnel during Monday morning rush hour traffic – then some of the accountability must be placed on YOU! I met one guy who carried his Bible in his gym bag (the irony) along with a computer print out of scriptures from a New York City preacher that he loved almost more than Beyonce (that should’ve been a sign right there). He explained he could never date someone that didn’t believe in the love of Jesus because he knew that being gay is wrong and it was only “temporary.” He was 36 years old, had been dating men since his teens and managed to have sex with a few women, which he felt allowed him to violently clench onto his last remains of heterosexuality. I couldn’t help but ask: “Well what’s your definition of temporary? You’ve been having sex with men for nearly 20 years and you’re looking at it like you’re on a temporary leave of absence from heterosexuality.” He seemed baffled at my statement and recommended a Bible versus to me. I met one member of the DL Christian Club and asked if they thought feeling this way about who they wanted to love affected their relationships with other men. He casually said: "No, not at all." At the time Toussaint was with me and we looked at each other like Dorothy would look at Blanche when Rose made one of those dumb-bunny comments! How could someone think that believing their relationship is damned by God will not affect their relationships with men???? That would be like a straight man who hates women and believes they are all bitches/hoes, but thinks that would have NO affect on his relationships with other women.

Now there are men who don’t have the Christian issues, but are “DL” and attribute every relationship problem to this “lifestyle” while failing to look at THEIR situation. Their only wish is to be hetero and the doors of love while swing open like the gates of a Jim Crow heaven! If someone is in a relationship and living on the "dl", NO ONE knows about them and/or lives a life of secrecy, their relationship is DESTINED to fail. A positive relationship cannot grow under thEse circumstances. I'm not saying one has to be "out and proud" (that’s always the rebuttal to this comment) or voguing femme down 125th Street -- there is nothing wrong w/ being private, BUT when you don’t have privacy in your own privacy there is a problem. If people lie to their mother/father, best friend (I have met countless guys whose "best friend" did’t know), church etc. - well how in the hell can they be honest in their own relationship?

If you date Black/Latin men then you have more than likely come across these issues, which I believe are just as destructive as HIV/AIDS (and probably indirectly or directly the cause of skyrocketing HIV/AIDS rates). Mindsets have to be changed or at least looked at in our community so people feel their life is worthy of protection. We are all deeply flawed and just because someone is secure with their sexuality does not mean a healthy relationship will fall on their lap. Nonetheless, I do believe that if one adds all the other beliefs I mentioned that after a certain point YOU must take accountability – it makes a relationship and friendship so much more challenging and unrealistic, whether it is with a man or a woman.

Labels: Sexuality

Posted by Clay :: 9:32 AM :: 10 comments

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Friday, August 19, 2005

Kanye West Calls for End to Gay Bashing

"Everyone in hip-hop discriminates against gay people," Kanye West says. Kanye West says "gay" has become an antonym to hip-hop - and that it needs to be stopped. During an interview for an MTV special, the 27-year-old rapper launched into a discussion about hip-hop and homosexuality while talking about "Hey Mama," a song on his upcoming album, "Late Registration." West says that when he was young, people would call him a "mama's boy." "And what happened was, it made me kind of homophobic, 'cause it's like I would go back and question myself," West says on the show, "All Eyes on Kanye West," set to air Thursday night (10:30 p.m. ET). West says he changed his ways, though, when he learned one of his cousins was gay. "It was kind of like a turning point when I was like, `Yo, this is my cousin. I love him and I've been discriminating against gays."' West says hip-hop was always about "speaking your mind and about breaking down barriers, but everyone in hip-hop discriminates against gay people." He adds that in slang, gay is "the opposite, the exact opposite word of hip-hop." Kanye's message: "Not just hip-hop, but America just discriminates. And I wanna just, to come on TV and just tell my rappers, just tell my friends, `Yo, stop it."' West, whose debut disc "The College Dropout" won a Grammy for best rap album, will see his second record in stores on Aug. 30.

WELL IT’S ABOUT TIME! I'm shocked that a black male hip-hop artist is finally saying something about the foolish homophobia in hip-hop. Especially when there are so many gay/bi people involved in hip-hop off and on this stage (damn the Brooklyn Café used to get HOT back in the day **wink-wink**).

It's good to hear someone say something different ... no male artist has ever said something this progressive when it comes to sexuality in hip-hop. It's not just the "hardcore" rappers that have made extremely homophobic comments, but artists like Common and Mos Def joined the bandwagon. Just like Beyonce "Pop My Coochie for Jesus" Knowles - I think we need to stop supporting artists that do not support us. Many think we have to just accept our mainstream black artists being homophobic because "That's the way black folks are!"

One of the comments in the BEYONCE SUCKS entry someone said: “If it's about not supporting what doesn't work (well) for us, MANY things would be offline, out of business.” Well then make it offline – stand up for something. Are we going to let the white gay community be the only voice for the LGBT community? When 46% black men who have sex with men are HIV positive? It seems many of us don't take a stand for anything whether it's music or our lives.

I remember when Donna Summer, who has a massive white gay following, allegedly said that due to her newfound Christianity she did not support gays and AIDS was a plague punishing gays. The LGBT community attacked her – record sales plummeted and ticket sells for her tour vanished. Donna quickly did a press conference in tears saying how it was "taken out of context." While being gay is not a racial identity - being Black and gay has to be in the top five of the most hated groups in America. When someone is black and heterosexual they can fall back on their heterosexuality as a buffer. When someone is white and gay they can fall back on their “whiteness” as a buffer. There is no buffer for many LGBT people.

So congrats to Kanye for saying something different, which is rare in hip-hop. Lawd knows I wasn’t sure about him with the song “Jesus Walks” - I was waiting for him to shout-out in a remixed live version: “We at war with society, racism, terrorism and HOMOSEXUALS!”

Honestly though – many people support Kanye, straight and gay, so it's great that he's challenging these hypocrites in hip-hop. I guess with so many ORDINARY PEOPLE in Kanye’s camp it would make sense that he opened his mind …

Labels: DIVA KANYE, Sexuality

Posted by Clay :: 12:44 PM :: 4 comments

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Monday, August 15, 2005

TRAGIC MULATTO

Mood: Better
Music: Outside - Staind "Inside you're ugly - ugly like me."

The whole construct of race is amazing to me. There are basically three races - Black, white and Asian. Now people are stretching for new racial categories – which I think is about as constructive as creating another addition to R. Kelly’s “In The Closet” diatribe of so-called music. Many are throwing around terms like biracial, mixed or a resurgence of the term mulatto, which is one of the most derogatory words that can be used for someone who comes from a different race back round. These terms are laced with ornamental phrases like “diversity,” multiculturalism,” or as Tiger Woods likes to say – “comblasian.”

Nowadays ANYONE can be “mixed” and everyone wants to be mixed. Is it more exotic? Is the purity of race no longer important? Purity of race should’ve never been important because there is no purity in race. In order to claim someone is “mixed” or “biracial” they would have to come from a “pure” black parent and a “pure” white parent – there is no better example of this than the various looks of Black Americans. I’m always shocked at the amount of people who still believe race is in the “blood.” For those who don’t agree, or believe there is such a thing as black blood and white blood, here is a link to an article from the University of Dayton that explains in simple terms why race is not biological and people who thought that were racist scientists trying to prove inferiority:

http://academic.udayton.edu/race/01race/race.htm

Race isn’t biological – it’s a social construction but extremely real, especially in the lives of Black Americans.

The stretch to be “mixed” seems to allow people to remove themselves from the discriminatory world of Blackness (like Tiger Woods), or from the guilty world of whiteness (like Laura Bush who claims she is “mixed” because she is PART Native American). If Tiger can identify as a “social construction combo” and not BLACK – well then no one should call him a nigger! BUT THEY DO .. no one should make jokes about him ordering fried chicken for his celebratory dinner! BUT THEY DO...

One can argue: “You can’t discriminate against me because I’m not Black – I’m a combo!” When it comes to mainly white Americans, not identifying as white, it seems they are trying to avoid the guilty word of American whiteness. I have met countless white people who ramble: “I’m mixed – I’m Native American, Swedish, German, French, Japanese, Southeast Asian …. “ Blah, blah, blah - funny how everything is mentioned except for Black or African. The next statement is: “I can’t be racist – I’m mixed!” As my dear friend, Annette Benning, would say: “Really, gurl?”

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A TRAGIC MULATTO … I met someone who said: “I’m biracial – I’m Haitian and Jamaican.” I cocked my head to the side and quietly said: “But those are ethnicities - not races.” Many people don’t know the difference between race and ethnicity (do a quick Google search for an explanation – this entry is long enough!). For many Black Americans – all we have is a race -- are ethnicity has been pulverized. Many (not all) Black Americans don’t have the luxury of listing various ethnicities – American seems like a bland term and calling ourselves African-American is somewhat problematic because it can indicate that we are immigrants. Charlize Theron and Dave Matthews are African-Americans and they are blue-eyed white folk!

I’ve meet several people who claim they are “biracial” because they are Puerto Rican and Black. This is a more complex topic that still gives me a slight cock to the side because Puerto Rican isn’t a race; it’s an ethnicity -- so how would that make one biracial? Unless one parent is a "white Hispanic" and the other is a "Black Hispanic" - Well, I guess you could be biracial.

Now obviously someone may come from two different CULTURES (like the person who said they were Jamaican and Haitian), but that is far from biracial. I completely understand wanting to acknowledge their back round, but to turn their identity into some racial duality (when only one race is involved) is problematic. Once again – many people are stretching to be exotically mixed. Race isn’t in the blood and either is ethnicity. Forgive me if I offend any of the Latin folk out there (feel free to attack me in your comments if you feel I’m wrong), but Ricans and Dominicans are just Black folks with an accent to me (copyright Angela Davis)! If the Latins I know left the New York City area they would be considered Black (especially down South).

The chart at the top gives a break down of race psychology that was created by pseudo scientists to make as many intra-racial divisions in the BLACK COMMUNITY as possible. These terms also dealt with SOCIAL CONTROL and the direction of labor in a slave society. These are LEGAL TERMS and I’m mortified that some people are STILL stretching to use different, or the same versions, of these words today.

Mulatto is a combination (wink to Tiger for another combo!) of a donkey and a horse mating, which creates a mule – mules are sterile. Therefore, this term was applied to people who had different race parents. I had a conversation with someone who insisted upon calling himself a “mulatto” and that he didn’t want to “deny either side.” So this mergence of being “mulatto” fit him and was taught to him from both his parents who have Ph.Ds. I do understand if someone is from a different race back round and they don’t want to call themselves just black, or just white (while that isn't the case for many people who are comfortable calling themselves Black, but will quickly acknowledge they have a white parent - shout out to Robert Nesta!) . Maybe they feel they would be “denying” a side of them, but the last thing someone should call themselves is a slave term like mulatto. That would be like Black Americans identifying their racial identity as “nigger.” As you can see from the list - mulatto, nigger, sambo, coon are ALL derogatory terms that were used to dissect and label race.

In my opinion biracial is not and should not be ANOTHER racial category. Racial categories have destroyed the lives of many people of color. The last thing we need is an additional, divisive racial sector for people to nudge and push themselves into. Especially in a culture where many people don’t even know the difference between race and ethnicity. In many cases racial categories makes no sense -- for example, Asian is a race but you have the Chinese and the Japanese who are of the same “race” yet speak different languages, have strikingly different cultures and have been fighting each other for centuries. When leaving the United States the ideology of race drastically changes. I know someone from Liberia who doesn’t identify as Black - he said: “I’m Liberian and I’m not going to allow Americans to force me to call myself Black. I never did before and I won’t start now.” This doesn’t mean he doesn’t acknowledge the racism he experiences by being African in America, but he felt he experienced more hatred for being African, especially from Black Americans, for being “Black.” Of course I've met many other West Africans who do identify as Black; however, I respected his opinion and understood where he was coming from. Why should he assimilate to America’s idea of identity???

I’m not saying that we should no longer use racial identities – RACE MATTERS. Nonetheless, I feel that additional racial categories will divide races (mainly the black race, which is the only race that is chopped up with these terms) more and aren’t helpful to the battle, discussion and plight of race in America.

In America your experiences as a man, woman, black, white, hetreo, homo, bisexual, transgender, intersexed, disabled, poor, middle class etc. shapes who you are. Take me for example, my father is Black American and my mother is white. I don’t identify as being biracial, mixed, or god forbid, mulatto. One cannot cut me in half and I’m black on one side and white on the other – so I refuse to call myself biracial. You “mix” a can of paint or a dog – not a human being, so I will not identify as mixed. I’m not a combination of a donkey and a horse, nor am I a slave, so I refuse to identify as mulatto. I identify as Black person with a white parent, like Bob Marley, Halle Berry, Prince, Faith Evans and many more. Therefore, my experience is being a Black man in America, who has experienced incalculable amounts of racism. When I lived in Washington State I was called a nigger so much that I thought it was my name (pulled that one from Malcolm X). I was never looked at as a half and half slash. Once I understood what “race” was, I was never “confused” or even had racial identity issues – I knew I was Black, and so did my mother. For the first half of my life I was basically raised in Washington State – I had bottles thrown at me, threatened by the teenage skinheads and experienced so much racism that when I tell some Black folks who were raised in Black communities, they think I’m telling a novel that was written about Jim Crow. For the second half of my life In Philadelphia, PA I had little community involvement with white people. I never heard the word nigger toward me (except for in the slang term, which is a different story) and was around different shades of brown people who looked like me. I remember that being the first time where my racial identity didn’t seem to matter.

When it comes to Black folk, I rarely get “pulled over” for my blackness. Most Black folks are raised around Black folks of all shades, sizes, hair textures, facial features and body types. Nonetheless, there are times when other Black folks choose to bring out the red, black and green siren and pull me over like the “Race Police” demanding to know why I consider myself Black:

“You ain’t Black, nigga’!”

“You’re biracial! That is why you like all that rock and roll shit!”

For the educated peeps who would get mad at me: “You’re just a mulatto dred - not Black!”

I remember the first time a Black person questioned my Blackness – I was in the 10th grade and this ultra, pro-Black supergirl who was obsessed with everyone’s race/ethnicity called me a “mut.” I felt betrayed that someone who was Black called me a word that I had only heard from white folks. It was a milestone in my development of a racial consciousness that Black folks can embody white supremacy beliefs. I would later go on to learn this at deeper levels when it came to gender, class and sexuality.

Toussaint would battle me on my “Blackness” -- we would have these awful conversations with him demanding to prove my Blackness because HE didn’t consider me Black or dark enough. These comments seemed to come from his experiences with people of color who are light-skinned versus someone who comes from a different race back round. He would say: “When you make comments about being Black I have to stop and think ‘Oh, Clay is Black,’ because I don’t look at you as Black.”

These types of comments from Black folks always shock me because in my experiences it’s white folks who want a resume on one’s Blackness. While I did have the experience of racism from white folks, I also experienced whites who were so mad that I “just” called myself Black. Some felt enraged that I HAD NO DESIRE TO BE THEM, like some Black folks who don’t have different race parents, but have a primal desire to be THEM (whether or not they know it) – shout out to all my Hip-Hop, Eurocentric, materialistic, wearing foolish labels on your back peeps!

Back to Toussaint, at one point in our discussions he said: “Well, if this was slavery you would be in the house and I would be in the fields!” That statement was so bizarre because that deals less with race and more with skin tones. Nonetheless, I had to explain (and this is worth noting) THE LIGHT-SKINNED HOUSE SLAVE IS A MYTH. House and field slaves rarely had to do with skin tone; it had to deal with the relationship with the “Massa’.” If you were a good, obedient slave you could often times make it to the house. You didn’t get a pass simply because you were light-skinned. Now in MY situation, my black, light-skinned azz would’ve never made it to the house because my mother is a WHITE WOMAN. I would’ve been lucky if I would’ve lived five minutes outside the coochie when they saw a brown baby come out of a white woman.

Even in cases where the baby’s father/Massa’ was white sometimes they still couldn’t make it to the house because Missy wasn’t having her husband’s bastard, slave son/daughter in the big house. Of course in some cases the opposite would happen, but for the most part house and field slaves had to deal with the relationship with the Massa’ – not one’s skin tone.

Here is a great excerpt debunking the myth of privileged mulatto people in slavery (although most scholars today know that having a white parent or being light-skinned didn't mean they had it so much easier):

The interactions between slaveholder and slaves varied across decades--and from plantation to plantation. Nevertheless, there are clues regarding the status of mulattoes. In a variety of public statements and laws, the offspring of White-Black sexual relations were referred to as "mongrels" or "spurious." Also, these interracial children were always legally defined as pure Blacks, which was different from how they were handled in other New World countries. A slaveholder claimed that there was "not an old plantation in which the grandchildren of the owner [therefore mulattos] are not whipped in the field by his overseer." Further, it seems that mulatto women were sometimes targeted for sexual abuse.

http://www.ferris.edu/htmls/news/jimcrow/mulatto/

Toussaint and I have resolved this issue, but I had to finally say: “I can’t have these conversations with you any longer because you believe that I’m not as Black as you. I’m not going to prove my Blackness to you - there aren’t degrees of Blackness for me, either I am or I’m not.” It wasn’t that Toussaint wanted me to call myself white – he wanted me to be the half and half slash – mixed – biracial – mulatto character that is often hyped in the media. All these “mixed” children are confused … don’t know who they are … they are always falling in between. Once in my Black Philosophy class someone stated: “Most mixed people have issues with being that way -- they are very confused!” I wondered if they truly had “issues” being that way, or did they not identify as what SHE wanted them to identify as?

I’ve had some black and white folks argue: “But you're denying one side of you! Why don’t you embrace both sides?” People kill me when they are in a situation that they cannot relate to yet they have ALL the answers for someone else. Like the straights thinking they have gays figured out – or men thinking they have women figured out. How does one go about “embracing both sides?” Should I play my Marilyn Manson a lil’ louder? Read up more on Jessie Redmon-Fauset? Buy some Mariah Carey CDs? There’s no way for me personally to embrace both sides (and make everyone else happy) -- being me and being true to myself IS embracing both sides. I’ve had some claim: “You’re not full black!” As if any Black Americans are full Black – there’s no such thing as any of us being “full” any race. I’ve met Black folks whose both parents are dark-skinned and they are lighter than me. I've seen Black folks who are much darker than me with lines for lips and surgery-thin nose that would make the Jackson family jealous!

Many people want to turn me, and others of my back round, into the classic tragic mulatto. I’m not tragic with my racial identity! This isn’t a scene from Imitation of Life – my theme song isn't Mahalia Jackson “Troubles of the World” with me running to a casket screaming “Mommaaaaaaaaa!” This isn’t an excerpt from Queen and will not be hollering, “I’se nig’ra – I’se nig’ra!” Of course there are people who are confused with their racial identity – however, I know people whose both parents are Black, but being that they were raised in a white environment they have no connection with Black identity and experience “confusion.” Many people are going to be confused with racial, sexual and gender if we live in a society that encourages people to be misinformed and to form opinions they know nothing about, or can'trelate to. People are criminalized when they trust their REALITY, so separate labels and regurgitated identities are cherry-picked, which will hopefully pacify, miseducate and shut people like me the fuck-up. Not a chance …

Here are just a few people who were/are considered "mulattoes:" Frederick Douglass, W.E.B. DuBois, Booker T. Washington, Thurgood Marshall, Bob Marley, Faith Evans, Halle Berry and Louis Farrakhan .............

Labels: Race

Posted by Clay :: 11:57 AM :: 26 comments

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

BLOGS AND MORE BLOGS!!!!

mood: reluctant
music: Meet Me On The Moon - Phyllis Hyman

The blog craze is amazing to me. I'm not sure if it is an insipid act of narcissism, loneliness or boredom. I read some of these blogs and people reveal their life stories, recent tragedies, worst sex, good sex, child abuse, just coming out of rehab, how they got their back plunged out in a New York City bathroom - while some of those things are interesting (especially getting the back plunged!) -- Y'ALL AIN'T GETTIN' THAT FROM ME ... I have no desire to spill my world all over the internet for people to dissect and point at me while I'm on the street (I hope some of you legendary bloggers didn't mind the hackles from me and Apollonia). Nonetheless, after a few requests (and all my critiques of blogs) here I am starting one, so I guess it must not be the bad if I'm preparing this introduction. As a writer and musician, I just cannot stay away from the performance floor even if it is an infinitesimal space on the internet stage.

As I said - no touchy revealings of my life, I am here to offer critiques on what is occurring in the vapid world of pop culture like the stupefying of America - otherwise known as Beyonce Knowles. Black films - where all we know how to do is kill, coon and Christ (copyright to Angela Davis on that one) ... speaking of Christ and Black folks -- one of my favorite topics - religion and how drones follow these super-cults to oppress people in the name of goodness. Ultimately my goal is to piss off as many people as possible with a few laughs ... but still "KEEPIN' IT REAL ..." hopefully I won't have any episodes of "when keepin' it real goes wrong." Remember people it is just a blog - not to be taken too seriously!

You will notice I have already used "alias" names - ALL THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE SATISFIED. However, you will all come to know some people in my life named Apollonia, Eve McFerin, Angela Davis, Toussaint, Gretchen, Ola, Annette Benning and many others.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, blogs are about self-promotion ... promoting one's happenings and occurrences in the universe. As many of you might know I'm in the process of publishing my novel Ball-Shaped World, which is a first fictionalized account of the Black and Latin ballroom scene. I'm extremely excited about the connections I have made, but it is a slow process - however, the book will be published, but I/we must be patient. I'm also a freelance writer for Blackplanet.com - here is a link to my latest article:

Black, Gay & Beyond HIV You don't have to be a member of Blackplanet to view the article!

Well that is it for my first blog entry ... more to come and don't be afraid to post your comments. clay cane.

Labels: COMMUNITY

Posted by Clay :: 11:23 PM :: 2 comments

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