Aretha "Luscious Body" Franklin is berserk over the Grammys abusive treatment toward her this past Sunday night in Los Angeles, CA. In a tribute to a slim and trim Tina Turner, Beyonce Knowles used the term "the queen" to introduce the rock icon. Franklin was devastated at this blatant disrespect from Beyonce and the Grammys. Sources said Franklin described the “Crazy in Love” diva as, "an inexperienced Creole, hot twat!"
Thursday, February 14, 2008
While inhaling three buckets of fried corn, thirty-three servings of banana pudding and eighteen cups of purple Kool-Aid, Re-Re spat to the press, "I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyonce! However, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy!"
Attendees at the Grammys, who sat in a ten mile radius of Aretha, even though she filled an entire row, said the "Chain of Blueberry Biscuits" soul diva was wheezing, growling and sweating like a warthog during Beyonce's intro for the "Steamy Windows" icon.
Re-Re's assistant whimpered, "I was trembling… when Miss Franklin gets mad she instantly gets hungry. So when Beyonce said her name second, after Sarah Vaughn, I heard her stomach growl! Then, Beyonce called Miss Turner ‘the queen’! I said a prayer as Miss Franklin grabbed the closest thing to her and swallowed it—unfortunately that happened to be Bow Wow! God, I hope he survives her digestive track—that stomach has been known to break down stainless steel pots that had scraps of fatback on it!"
Miss Franklin knew the only person who could understand her hungry pangs was Senator Hillary Clinton, who suffered equal humiliation this week racking up eight consecutive loses in the run for the Democratic nomination to Senator Barack Obama. Luckily, Senator Clinton has the "Negro Phone Line", which instantly takes call from BET's Bob Johnson, Representative Maxine Waters, 50 Cent, Quincy Jones, Magic Johnson and many other delusional African-Americans who refer to the New York Senator as “Big Missy”.
After devouring three plates of mustard pork tenderloins and ten roasted squirrel tails, Miss Franklin dialed Senator Clinton. A life-changing conversation took place, which was filled with tears, praises to Jesus and a little phone sex with former President Bill Clinton—hey, anything for the African-American vote!
Senator Clinton allegedly told Miss Franklin this national scandal from the Chesapeake primaries to the Grammys was due to Beyonce, “That Texan harlot is to blame! First, she disrespects you by defaming your name with that anti-Jesus, Buddhist heathen and now she’s endorsed that mulatto trash!”
Immediately, a press conference was called at Casa Franklin. While menacingly shaking a neck bone with grisly bits dangling from her mouth, Re-Re’s jowls quivered as she hollered, "You ain't see the last of me—I'll see her Creole ass at the Image Awards!"
Re-Re also announced she would endorse Senator Clinton. With tears in her eyes, cocking her head perfectly to the closest camera, Miss Hill cried, "It’s an honor to have the endorsement of a national treasure like Miss Franklin. When I am President of the United States I promise universal healthcare and a Constitutional amendment to end the exposure of Miss Franklin’s gargantuan bosom to every American citizen nationwide.”
This just might be what Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton needs to regain her momentum.
*This post is fictional and requires a sense of humor
Labels: Celeb Humor
Posted by Clay ::
12:18 AM ::