Clay Cane is a New York City-based writer who is recognized for his contributions in journalism. Clay is a regular contributor for various print and online publications such as The Advocate and BET.com. He is the author of the highly anticipated novel Ball-Shaped World, which is a fictionalized account of the black and Latino ballroom scene. Also, he is the Entertainment Editor at BET.com and a member of New York Film Critics Online. He can be reached at claycane@gmail.com.


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    Monday, October 27, 2008

    In your twenties each year is like five years. There are so many mistakes made and more lessons than you can sometimes handle. So here is a recommended list of thirty things to do before thirty. This is not to say some of these can't be done in your thirties or at any age, but these to-dos are a must for your twenties. Unfortunately, I can't say I did them all!

    30. Get your college degree

    29. Have savage, memorable sex in a foreign country

    28. Download illegal music

    27. Masturbate in the mirror

    26. Get deservingly fired from a job

    25. Live in New York City, at least for a few months—it's a must!

    24. Have a passport! Not having a passport by 30 is foolish, i.e., Governor Sarah Palin

    23. Have a same sex experience and if you're gay, have an opposite sex experience (I guess Clay Aiken will never get there!)

    22. Record yourself having sex then erase over it

    21. Watch a Jenna Jameson porn -- she's a legend!

    20. Have sex in a public place

    19. Have seen at least one of the three live in concert -- Madonna, Prince, or Janet Jackson

    18. Get your wisdom teeth pulled—because after 30 those bastards are going to hurt like all hellz!

    17. Get regularly tested for HIV

    16. HERPES test, oh yes; some of y’all think the HIV is enough

    15. Hate religion (maybe come back to it in your 30s)

    14. Have a bank account! Ever notice the line at the check cashing places? By thirty there is no excuse for not having your own account number!

    13. Have a one night stand ... several nights in a row

    12. Lose your virginity (Yes, I know some of you whores lost it and threw it into the sea in your early teens!)

    11. Take someone's virginity... in your thirties, taking someone's virginity can be a bit pedophile-ish

    10. Receive and give oral

    9. Get stood up and say, "I would never do that to someone!" Then stand someone up.

    8. Have sex with someone twice your age ... because sex with a 60 year-old at 30 ain't sexy

    7. Get therapy -- if you think no one understands you it’s just that you don’t understand yourself

    6. Say you're in love with someone after a week, then realize days later you were just in naïve lust

    5. Shack up with someone, say you'll never do that again then do it in your thirties

    4. Abandon the fashions of BET and MTV -- by thirty you are officially in the VH1 category! That goes for you too Russell Simmons!

    3. Have aspirations to be a singer, model, or actor ... then realize you ain't gonna be any of the three.

    2. Fall in love for the first time and then get your heart broke for the first time -- you're first isn't supposed to last that is why it's your first. But just know, like Dionne Warwick said -- you'll never love that way again.

    1. Hand in your youth license: In your twenties you get license to be a whore (safely), not expect consequences, be emotionally careless, spend endless nights at the club while getting groped inappropriately by strangers, etc. You need your twenties to get these things out of your system. However, the person in their thirties who is still living life like they are a reoccurring cast member on The Real World, there are no excuses -- it doesn't make you look cute, just old.

    Which ones haven't you done?

    Special thanks to Rockacandy.com for this idea!

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    Posted by Clay :: 12:00 AM :: 12 comments

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